I have always believed in a saying: "When you know you are you, you are no longer you."

June 12, 2025, this moment is a special day for me. Because I stand once again at the crossroads of self-examination.

Looking back over the past year, it has undoubtedly been a low point in my life. My academic performance has been continuously disappointing, and that glaring score of 27 in the English section of the college entrance examination feels like a heavy mark. However, at this time last year, a thought arose: I want to take the IELTS, I want to study abroad. The root of this thought, in hindsight, was mixed with a sense of comparison with my classmates. I also wanted to use this as a way to break free from the shadow of English, but I overlooked a fatal fact: I have high aspirations but low abilities.

English is almost a zero-based skill for me. To conquer it, I must give it my all. However, the reality is that my learning this past year has been half-hearted, with only about forty percent effort. Certainly, one reason is the lack of a competitive environment since leaving the training institution, but I now deeply understand that the root of the problem lies in my "lack of self-awareness."

Whenever exhaustion strikes, I slide into the abyss of laziness. What’s even scarier is that I, who is sinking into laziness, am even unaware of my own decline. There is no self-reflection, no alertness. Thus, the days of self-study pass by in procrastination, daydreaming, and the endless "tomorrow again tomorrow." Actions are few, thoughts are myriad. Anxiety, depression, and pessimism surround me. That once spirited young man is gradually drifting away in the fog.

I love trading and am passionate about exploring its profound "Dao." It is even a goal I am willing to pursue for a lifetime. However, I am fully aware that a soul entangled by "hesitation, laziness, procrastination, retreat, unrealistic expectations, and a lack of practical skills" has no qualification to embark on this quest for truth.

This is not the state I should be in, nor should it be the posture for exploring the path of trading.

I must break free from this cocoon.

There are still two months left, and I will do my best to study for the IELTS in order to get out of the current quagmire and restore my condition.

I've always believed in the saying, "When you know you're you, you're not you." ”

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